‘Don’t be toxic to your colleagues. You never know when you might need them in the future’: Ex‑coworker applies for a job and lists former colleague as a referral without asking, only for the employee to shut it down immediately

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Oct 27, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

Some people spend their careers mastering workplace survival skills, and others master delusion. This former coworker chose both. Once the corporate main character of someone else's misery, they now roam LinkedIn like a ghost haunting the living, casually tossing around old names to open new doors. One of those names happened to belong to the person they treated like office lint.

Now, years later, the performance artist of burnout has returned. Laid off, still orbiting the same industry, they've decided to use the name of the very coworker they treated like garbage as a referral. Didn't ask permission. Just listed it, as if reputations were a public utility. The notification appears, asking for a yes or no on whether they'd recommend this person. The answer is quick, clinical, deeply satisfying: no. The kind of no that tastes like justice with a side of HR policy. 

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  • 01

    former coworker now needs my help… nope.

    Frustrated woman sitting at a desk with a laptop, looking annoyed while another woman stands nearby appearing upset, as if arguing or demanding something unreasonable
    via FabrikaSimf

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Most of us, when unfortunately needed, leave a job, but some rare gems won’t leave without a scar on the building. This coworker was one of those who could turn an office into a psychological experiment in patience. Fake late-night emails, fake urgency, and a talent for being unhelpful in every measurable way. A real professional in the art of workplace misery.

  • 02
    A few jobs back I worked with someone who was a complete a hole. Treated me like sh.. for absolutely no reason.
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  • 03
    The company also sucked, but that's another story. This is a high profile organization whose name you would know.
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  • 04
    This was the type of person who would schedule emails to go out in the middle of the night to make it look like they worked all hours, when they very clearly did not.
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  • 05
    They refused to help other people, definitely not a team player and all that sh. Just a person to work with overall.
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  • 06
    Angry collegue yelling and waving papers at stressed coworkers in an office meeting, while the frustrated team looks overwhelmed and defeated
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 07
    Anyway, fast forward to now. This person was laid off from their job, unfortunately, but has been working in the same industry as me.
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  • 08
    We are connected on LinkedIn. Without asking me, they use my name as a referral to apply for a job at my company.
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  • 09
    I get the acknowledgment of this through workday, read the job description for which they applied, and recognize that this person is barely qualified for this job.
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  • 10
    COULD they probably do the job? Maybe. Are there people who are likely far more qualified?
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  • 11
    Yes. Would I EVER inflict this person on my current colleagues? Absolutely When you get a not. notification like this through workday, it asks you a yes or no question as to whether or not you would recommend them for the job.
    via Lonely-Clerk-2478
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    Frustrated woman sitting at a desk with a laptop, looking annoyed while another woman stands nearby appearing upset, as if arguing or demanding something unreasonable
    via FabrikaSimf

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 13
    I click "no" and go on with my day. Petty? Yes. The moral of the story is, don't be an a hole to your colleagues.
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  • 14
    You never know when you might need them in the future. ETA: I just blocked this person on LinkedIn.
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  • 15
    F 'em. They're an ahle, I can't stand them... why continue to pretend?
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  • This is what corporate reincarnation looks like. The same souls, recycled through LinkedIn, desperate for connection, hoping all bridges grew back while they were busy being unbearable. But memory is the one skill no one can unlearn. The office may change, the titles may inflate, but the boundaries stay sharper than ever.  


    They used to schedule fake work emails at 2 a.m. to look industrious. Now they can schedule job rejections in real time.

  • 16
    appleblossom 1962 I love your petty revenge and I always thought it was good etiquette to say hey do you mind if I use you as a reference for a job.
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  • 17
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 It is absolutely good etiquette! My god it's like the most basic thing.
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  • 18
    appleblossom 1962 I just thought that maybe that had gone out of fashion since I'm so old
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    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 Nope, not at all. At least not in my world. It's common courtesy to ask before using someone's name in this context.
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  • 20
    Bodacious Vermin Petty or not, your "inflict" question is the pertinent one. You don't want blowback because you recommended them and they were found to be a poor hire. You made the right choice, and it just happened to be petty. :)
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  • 21
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 It would absolutely blow back on me.
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  • 22
    JoWhee I once got a call from a business with a similar situation. Hey so-and-so put you down as a reference. Since I didn't want to be responsible for them not getting a job I simply stated "I worked with them" that's all I'll say. It speaks volumes without being liable for saying anything bad about them and possibly having a blow back if they didn't get the job.
    via Lonely-Clerk-2478
  • 23
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 I've also had this happen for a former employee who was not great. I was bound to only provide dates of employment. The caller asked if I would recommend them for their new role (after they'd left their previous role with four days notice.) My response was "I am confirming dates of employment."
    via Lonely-Clerk-2478
  • 24
    Saggy_Slumberchops I love that they put you as a referral!
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  • 25
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 I could NOT believe it! And they weren't really even qualified for the job they applied for.
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  • 26
    liatrisinbloom People like this are so unaware that he probably doesn't remember he was an ah le to you.
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  • 27
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 Very much enamored of their own skills and ability to be sure. zero self-awareness.
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  • 28
    FuriousMarshmallow Who the f puts someone as a reference without asking them? That alone would make me not recommend them. In fact, it would be the first thing i say when asked for a reference lol.
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  • 29
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 I know right? R de.
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  • 30
    Budget_Eye5861 I would like to think that they only put you down because they knew you worked there because they have obviously have not come to understand their own person misgivings yet. Do you know the approximate age of this person?
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  • 31
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 Probs mid 40s so old enough to have a bit of self-awareness you'd think. But I guess not!
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  • 32
    Lumbergod I've said this for years. Never burn a bridge. People have very long memories.
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  • 33
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 Nope not ever, unless something truly egregious happens.
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  • 34
    Marine __0311 I've had the same thing happen a few times. And man, did it feel good to make sure they got shot down. At one company I used to do all the resume screening that came from military vets. Being one myself, I understood mil-speak and had a very good BS detector. My boss brought me one from someone who I knew when I was in. He was a real POS, and the resume was professionally crafted to make him look like he walked on water. My boss really loved it. I pointed out all the flaws and issu
    via Lonely-Clerk-2478
  • 35
    OP Lonely-Clerk-2478 My last role had someone who sounds like you (in the very best way!)
    via Lonely-Clerk-2478

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management terrible coworkers workplace discussion employment issues boss workplace-stories hr manager bosses work coworkers colleague PTO managers supervisor workplace Horrible Bosses work-life balance
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